No, No Nessie

There's no doubt. None whatsoever. There IS a Nessie. She's just a very slick character. As soon as she sees the next set of adventurers getting their equipment together to come search for her, she swims to the other end of the lake in the dark, looks left and right, and when all is clear, climbs out of the lake, dashes over the hills, and jumps into the lake on the other side. She then waits there for a few days until all has quieted down on the home front, and she slips back into her main lake ("loch" for you purists).

She's been doing this for centuries. Somehow, no one has caught her in the trick, well, no one but me, and I promised that I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag. But Nessie is not always a lady, and she recently irked me with one of her antics. See, she knows that I walk with a pigeon-toed limp, and one day when she was walking behind me, I spun around quickly and spotted her imitating my walk.

That's just the way she is, all nice to your face and all nasty behind it, sort of a Joan Collins character. Still, I have to hand it to her: Those smarts of hers have enabled her to stay off camera for as long as Kodak has been in business. Except for the occasional "sighting" of course. I take it that you've noticed that none of those are very conclusive. Well, that's another one of her tricks. She stays away far away from the crowds until things start quieting down, and then she pulls her trick. She swipes up one of the numerous boats that have sunk to the bottom of the lake when she has "accidentally bumped" them (her words) and thrown all the passengers into the water (although she denies ever having eaten any of those onlookers).

So she grabs her boat of choice off the bottom, swims with it over to where all the tourists are staring out across the lack. She pushes the boat up out of the water and swims a lap across the lake. As soon as she hears the "OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THAT???!!!"s from the spectators on shore, she drops the boat and swims off to the other end of the lake, snickering all the way.

Now that you know her tricks, you are probably ready to rush off on an expedition to catch her. Well, forget it. She's had centuries and centuries of experience at being evasive, so she will always be several steps ahead of you no matter what your IQ. And did I mention that her middle name is "Roswell". Figures.