Dancers in the Rye

Some things (well, actually, many things, most things) are beyond my comprehension. One of the major ones is the dancing folk in TV travel commercials. No matter which country the spot is advertising, it almost always has somewhere between three to eight people dressed in some sort of traditional garb doing some sort of traditional dance.

Every time I see them, I ask myself: "What does this mean? Where does this come from? Am I the only one in the world that is left totally confused?"

In an attempt to get a grip on this phenomenon, I drew up a list of all the countries that have been running TV travel spots featuring dancing here on German TV. (I'm not listing the countries in any specific order, mainly because I couldn't figure out which criterion I should use to prioritize them. Pirouettes per second? Boot size? Rpm per spin?)

Greece
Turkey
Slovakia
Poland
Hungary
Rumania
Macedonia
Kosovo (yes, Kosovo)
Bosnia-Herznogovenia (sp?)
Mexico
China
Latvia
Croatia
Morocco
Ghana
Angola
South Africa
Azerbaijan
Armenia
Kazakhstan
India
Malaysia
Thailand
Lebanon
Georgia
Brazil
Bulgaria
and I am sure that I missed a few.

All of those spots feature at least a few seconds of traditional folk doing their traditional dance. Jump and spin, jump and spin.

There are two logic-defying aspects to all this dancing. First, are all the folk in all these countries just standing around in their traditional clothes, ready to break forth into spontaneous tangos or waltzes on some unpredictable whim? Second, do all the tourists going to these countries truly expect to see gentle peasants dancing through fields of grain around every bend?

The more I see of these ads, the more convinced I am that all of these countries are relying on the very same ad agency to produce their spots. No matter which country the ad features, out trot the smiley dancers. There's always a bit of traditional folk music in the background (OK, dancing would admittedly not be worth much without music), a scene featuring mountains, a scene featuring a quaint city square, a scene featuring some scrumptious-looking food, a scene featuring an impressive body of water (preferably with boats or (dancing?) wind-surfers speeding along), and, if you are really lucky, yet another quick shot of those happy-happy dancers.

After noticing these similarities, it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps none of this dancing actually exists. Instead, the ad agency producing all these ads has a troupe of 20 or so professional dancers on its payroll, and that every time the agency signs a contract to make a spot for another country, it simply picks out several dancers who seem that they would fit the national character of the country and outfits them in some sort of traditional-looking garb (which, in some cases, I suspect has never actually been part of the country's tradition).

This is the point where I become suspicious that all of this may be a giant scam by national tourism offices, and for good reason: Many of the dances in these various ads look suspiciously similar. Granted, a few countries do have some highly distinct dances (India, for example). But then there's the large group of countries where I can't tell one from another. The dancers just seem to be hopping around. Hop, hop, hop.

One ad in particular comes to mind (and, yes, it is you, Azerbaijan): Six diva-looking females dressed in sleek, flowing gowns, each a different, vibrant color rather like a pack of jukebox Lifesavers, are prancing around in a circle out in a field of grain as if they are about to break into a frenzy of wheat ballet or synchronized rye stepping. I can't tell whether they are simply trying to look regal or if they are trying to catch a whiff of freshly baked bread (pumpernickel perhaps?).

Which brings up the question: Is all this dancing part of everyday life in all those countries? Do each country's most model-thin and model-beautiful females stand ready to spring into dance action across the steppes as soon as a tourist is spotted?

Do tourists truly expect this to happen? Is it one of the top five must-see items that they have on their list? Do they demand their money back if they don't see any dancing?

As you can see, there are so many unanswered questions here. I frankly have no hope of getting definitive answers to any of them. In the meantime, I will make myself a pastrami-on-rye sandwich and switch on "Dancing With the Stars."

Dodgers' Game

At work, there's a young guy (maybe 21, 22 years old) who is doing an internship with us. Owing to the prevailing dynamics in our department, he and I have developed a slightly conspiratorial relationship. Our department is run by women, all of them former secretaries who have managed to move up the ladder a bit. Unfortunately, they have brought along a lot of their secretary-like behaviors with them: rote responses to problems, orderliness over substance, a bitchy efficiency that in reality is not very efficient at all. But I should not dwell on that because I do not want to have their jobs. Anyway, these ladies frequently blow their lids at minor things, and they have assumed the attitude that we males in the office must be closely monitored and kept in line or the world as they know it will crumble into tiny, sharp-edged concrete bonbons.

So where is all this leading? Well, the young intern quite regularly screws things up (but only slightly) on our computer and network system. He quickly learned that the ladies in the department would skin him alive if he let them know. So now he very discreetly comes to me for help. In most cases, I know how to fix things. I quietly fix them and subsequently keep my lips sealed about whatever happened. After months of this, the intern and I have now fallen into a pattern of relating to each other with secretive smiles, mischievous eye contact, and subtle ways of discussing matters so that no damaging information falls into the hands of our lady tormentors. There's really no point to this narrative. Just unmitigated delight.