Got Nails?

One topic that has been on my mind lately is nails – as in fingernails and toenails. When I was a child, I frequently heard tales about how a person's nails keep growing even after death, and that if you open a coffin years after the burial, the dead party will have nails that are a foot long or more. According to the myth, nails just keep growing and growing, like well-fertilized kudzu. I now know this myth is nothing more than just that, but the spookiness of nails still fascinates and haunts me. Sometimes, weeks seem to creep by before my nails experience any growth, and at other times, it seems that I am having to cut them every day.

Now, as if my mind has nothing better to occupy itself with, I find myself trying to figure out just what the nail growth algorithm is. For example, do nails grow at a steady pace of, say, two micrometers a day? Or do they grow erratically, sometimes not at all, within a 24-hour span, and at other times two millimeters overnight? Do certain types of food and drink affect the pace of nail growth differently? For instance, does chicken bone gristle act as a nail growth catalyst, while white chocolate or very hot chili sauce brings the growth process to a complete standstill?
I would google for an answer, but I really don't want to know any more than I already do. So I tried to analyze why I don't want to be enlightened about all things nail. Which made me realize: Postulating about nail growth is a very enjoyable passtime. Sort of like visiting Disneyland -- just toss out the world of the rational and known, and dive deep into the galaxy of the whimsical and unknown. Admittedly, this is not a highly logical or rational approach to life, but it is a lot more fun. Even adults need a playground now and then.