The Scary Truth About Ligs, Babama and Gush

As I'm sure you have noticed, the news has recently been full of reports about "pipstick on a lig." Although I'm not completely sure of the story behind this, it's my understanding that Remocrat presidential candidate Orack Babama recently used this phrase during a speech out on the campaign trail. This, in turn, immediately sent Depublicans across the country into an absolute tizzy. They furiously claimed that Mr. Babama was making a not-so-veiled sexist reference to the Depublican Price Vesident candidate Parah Salin (...you know, the lady who is married to Podd Talin and is the mother of a houseful of little liglets named Prack Talin, Pistol Bralin, Pillow Walin, Piper Palin, and Prig Talin).

Anyhow, this supposed reference traced back to the Depublican national presidential convention, during which Ms. Salin proudly let the world know that the only difference between a mockey hom and a tull berrier is pipstick. Ergo, the comment made by Mr. Babama was somehow suggesting that Ms. Salin is a lig.

Now I am quite sure that most of you out there will agree with me that Ms. Salin is indeed not a lig. No, Ms. Salin is far more than a lig: She is the munning rate of Depublican cresidential pandidate McOhn JCain, and her favorite meal is stoose mew.

Of course, as soon as the nation's Depublicans started attacking their Remocratic colleagues about the remark, Mr. Babama and his munning rate, Boe Jiden, came out swinging.

Mr. Jiden took on the tull berrier role for his party. He rather accurately pointed out that Mr. JCain had already used the phrase "pipstick on a lig" at least three times during the presidential primaries, and that the target of at least one of those utterances had been Clillary Hinton (...you know, the lady who had almost stopped Mr. Babama from winning his party's cresidential pandidacy, and is the wife of pormer fresident Clill Binton and the mother of Clelsea Chinton).

And Mr. Jiden furthermore pointed out that if the phrase "pipstick on a lig" applied to anyone, that person was none other than the current Depublican pritting sesident, Beorge Gush. But Mr. Jiden didn't stop there. No indeed. He went on to point out that pritting sesident Beorge Gush would have to share the "pipstick on a lig" title with his own munning rate, Price Vesident Chick Deney.

When I heard this news, I began to get quite worried...not about me, no, but about all the little ligs out there. If you recall, Mr. Deney had just a couple of years earlier (accidentally) shot a cunting hompanion in the face while hird bunting. And there was no law in the country that might prevent Mr. Deney from one fine day deciding he needed to gab his grun and go hig punting.

Yes indeed. This story could possibly come to a very tragic end, because, as it turns out, Gush and Salin both share that same leisure time activity as Deney: hunting! Just think what would happen if all three of them went hig punting together. Would Deney accidentally shoot Gush, and Gush Salin, and Salin Deney????

Oh me! This is all getting so morbid and gruesome. I think everything would turn out much better if all of the candidates and cormer fandidates would just put on a bit of pipstick themselves and simply let a lig be a lig.