The Bridge to Ready-to-Wear

Now that Ms. Palin has saved us hardworking taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars on that Bridge to Nowhere, we can now put the money to good use by building a few bridges to much more worthwhile destinations. Here are just a few:

The Bridge to Anywhere: This is for taxpayers that find themselves in a situation that makes them want to be anywhere except where they currently find themselves.

The Bridge to Somewhere: This bridge will take you to that pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow.

The Bridge to No-Wear: This bridge will keep your SUV from needing a new set of tires or brake pads.

The Bridge to I'm-Not-Going-There: You can quickly roll up this bridge when someone tries to lure you into a conversation about something you really would rather not discuss.

The Bridge to Big Hair: For all you country music fans, you can get a quick do for a night at the Grand Ol' Opry.

The Bridge to Ready-To-Wear: This bridge will have a J.C. Penney's at one end and a Neiman-Marcus at the other end. Alterations cost extra.

The Bridge to Polar Bear: Since Alaska built this bridge long ago, it doesn't need to redirect those funds to this project.

The Bridge to Customer Care: Yes, you are certainly welcome to take this bridge, but be warned: You will probably have to wait half an hour before the toll operator will help you across.

The Bridge to I Declare!: The next time someone tells you something unbelievable, this bridge will get you to the other side without saying anything committal.

The Bridge to Don't-You-Dare: For those of you with children, you can send them across this bridge when they are about to do something on your forbidden list.

The Bridge to Bartlett Pear: When you get to the other end of this bridge, you will find a large Del Monte plant that can supply you with canned fruit.

The Bridge to No Air: Jordin Sparks will greet you at the other end.

...plus many more equally fine destinations!